I Grew Up On A Street Made For Kevin Smith

This post is for Kevin Smith and his penchant for witty and punny titles, and Jason Mewes who is often the focus of said titles.

It feels like this came about in not a completely random way.  A few days ago I happened to have a chance to visit the neighbourhood that I grew up in.  I walked up my street and around the park behind my old house, showing the landmarks to my slightly interested daughter.  I used my iPhone to snap a few commemorative pics.

The next day I listened to Episode 12 of Jay and Silent Bob Get Old.  Jason Mewes talks a lot about the neighbourhood he grew up in and some of the shenanigans he got up to, and while the stories in no way mirrored my own, it kept that feeling of nostalgia going for me.

Then I went back and looked at the pics I had taken and was dumbfounded that I had never before made the connection between the name of the street I grew up on and the real Jay and Silent Bob.

Ways to spend $19.99

Twice a year I need to make a decision on how to spend $19.99.  Here are some of the options I am considering (click through for full product details and purchasing options).

 

Classy ... perhaps too classy

 

Scharpling and Wurster or Sound Opinions?

This is a bit from the Sound Opinions podcast, which is a great music podcast, but as I was listening to this bit I broke out laughing as it just seemed like the perfect start to a Scharpling and Wurster bit.

It actually was a somewhat interesting interview, but nothing compared to what the masters could have done. If either of Tom Scharpling or Jon Wurster see this, I offer it up as a request, though I assume you do not take requests.

L’il Zombies

Some of the funnest movies come from putting a horror slant on a simple thing.

• Horror + Comedy = Shawn of the Dead or Zombieland
• Horror + Animals = Piranha
• Horror + Dolls = Child’s Play
• Horror + Children = Children of the Corn

Now I know that last one has been done before, but I have a new take on it.  I figure that I had better jump on it before Romero tears through it as he attempts to supersaturate the zombie movie genre to the point of no return.

Zombies + Children

Not just that one child zombie that makes you jump and then feel bad for child poverty.  All child zombies, all the time.

I did not feel I had time for a spec script, so I went ahead and shot a scene.

I call it L’il Zombies.

My iPhone is Watching Me, But What is it Thinking?

My iPhone has a very fancy home while I’m at work.

 

iPhone Throne

 

The view from my iPhone as I work and listen.

Thanks Turkey

Canadian Thanksgiving weekend is upon us (have you ever seen a snow turkey?) and it has got me thinking about the true meaning of our holidays.  The tradition that has helped build our culture and holds such importance that we honour it each year.

Thanksgiving.  I think we can all agree that the history and tradition stems from that term.  Happy Thanksgiving!  Thanks for giving us your land, indigenous people, and even though there is enough for everyone we are going to take it all anyway. In order to celebrate this every year we will have a meal in which we eat way more than any single person needs while others go with nothing.

Tweet Your Sleep

Are you tired of waking up in the morning and feeling like you wasted a whole night sleeping when you could have been tweeting?  Do you need a way to broadcast your activities even while sleeping?

Then you need TWEET YOUR SLEEP.

Superchunk Fan Fiction

This came out of recently listening to a great episode of Comedy Death-Ray Radio starring Ted Leo, Aimee Mann, Paul F. Tompkins and Jon Wurster.

A funny, off-hand comment mentioned the idea of Superchunk Fan Fiction.  I’m not a big fan of fan fiction, but this could be fun.

Spam Triumvirate

Lately I have become obsessed with my Spam folder. I keep feeling that what appears to be a random bombardment of garbage may actually be a complex yet ordered system and if I can decipher the code it will unlock a cache of secrets that I cannot even imagine.

Unraveling the mystery starts with trying to answer this one simple question. Why are 99% of the contents of my Spam box related to the following 3 topic:

1. Pharmaceuticals
2. Making my penis larger / harder
3. Watches

What is the link? Why does Spam love these things and vice-versa? I cannot seem to find a common thread connecting the three. Drugs vs. jewelry vs. length and firmness. I can find some commonalities between various pairing:

• Watches / Penis Enlargement – Vanity, making yourself look better
• Pharmaceuticals / Watches – Spam generally focuses on cheaper deals and “knock offs”
• Pharmaceuticals / Penis Enlargement – Here’s to feeling good all the time

The big picture is not revealing itself. I’m nervous about the next step, which is to make contact. I need to engage the Spam, but how? Ben Gates, Robert Langdon, what do I do?

Nice Hair

Is it enough to just start opening and reading all of them? Do I mark them as “Not Spam” and see what happens when the move into the world of real email? Do I actually start clicking links and ordering products? Will I get dragged so deep into the mystery that I will be found high on Hydrocodone, arms and legs covered in watches and a 16 inch erection? How deep am I willing to go?  How deep can I go (this question was actually put to my by my Spam)?

If anything should happen to me... make sure Annette gets the car.

If you don’t hear from me in 3 months, don’t come looking for me. I am probably dead and will eventually be found floating face down in your Spam box.

One day I will explain Twtter to my kids and they will stare a me blankly

I will explain it to them in more detail and they will ask Why?

I will try to explain why and they will start to lose interest and wander away and I will snap at them and demand their attention.

Then I will tell them about this day (well, yesterday, actually).  The day I made Twitter history (nobody noticed or cared).  In my own mind.  They day I replied to a tweet by one of my musical idols, @tedleo, with a joke, only to have it snowball into a massive (6 post) trending topic culminating in a tweet by my other musical hero Superchunk (or whatever band member is behind the @superchunkband tweets).

And my children will look at me, shake their heads and walk away.  And I will continue to wonder if I will every turn into the adult that my body seems determined to mimic.